With A Grain Of Salt

By Tim “Tubbs” Hoffman

This is from my point of view as a karaoke host, so take it with a grain of salt.
Now here in part two, we’ll touch on what happens when the singer gets to the stage, and let me tell you, nobody could make stuff up like this.

“Is This The Microphone?”
Have you been watching anything while the karaoke show has been going on? Didn’t the singer before you use the same microphone? Do you know what a microphone looks like? You’re about ready to sing, concentrate on that! And when you’re done singing, please don’t slam the microphone into the cradle, respect the gear at all times.

“Is It On?” or “Does This Work”
This is the best one yet because the person is saying that into the microphone, do you hear anything? Most of us karaoke hosts like to put microphones up on stage that don’t work. The host also knows the crowd wants to hear you say “check, check one, two, three” I tell my singers the microphone automatically turns on when the music starts.

“Where Are The Words?”
Refer to number two; have you been watching anything? Look for a television.

“That’s Not My Song”
Well first off, do you hear any music yet? Most karaoke machines or players will automatically go to the first songtrack of the disc, you need to relax. When the song actually starts, and it’s not your song, then by all means, let us know.
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“May I Have Extra Echo?”
OMG, here we go. Most singers, if not all, have no idea what the difference between echo and reverb is, and then to have “extra” will not make YOU sound any better, it just makes the host look like they have no clue. Vocal effects are just an enhancement to make your already great voice sound better. How come nobody asks for “extra” compression? Continue on with your karaoke experience and trust in your host.

Does any of this sound familiar? Here are a few other things that happen. First, all I ask is that you don’t bring your drink on stage. I’m not being a jerk, you can’t drink and sing at the same time. At my show, I use stage monitors, when you spill your drink and you will, that will ruin the speakers (no really), also it just looks bad. DON’T THROW A FIT! Respect your host’s wishes and move on to the fun stuff.

Another thing singers like to do is put their hand over the top of the microphone. Do you hear the feedback squealing out of the monitor speakers? I know, I know, you see your favorite rock star on MTV doing that, what you may not know is that they are wearing special in-ear monitors and they have a monitor engineer running their sound. When you put your hand over the top it just makes the microphone and you sound awful.

Lastly, the singer will complain that the song is too fast or too slow, or the music doesn’t sound right, blah, blah, blah. The karaoke host does not write the songs nor record the songs. Remember we’re just drinking, smoking, monkeys pushing the buttons.

Look for part three in the next issue when I touch on the things after the karaoke show. Meanwhile, remember to take all this with a grain of salt.