Sedro singers smitten with sexy she-stallion

When the Stallion Entertainment Karaoke Kruiser pulls into downtown Sedro-Wooley’s Old Timers Bar and Grill Monday and Saturday nights, it’s anything but a stealthy, secretive arrival. With multicolored LEDs flashing, garish karaoke logos reminiscent of an ice cream truck plastered across every quarterpanel and the Stallion stereo up to eleven, the townfolk milling around State Street stop to point and stare. Granted, followers of the region’s #1 Karaoke experience have certainly seen this rolling acid trip before, and won’t find the scene here in and of itself unusual. But tonight’s driver of Northwest Washington’s most infamous minivan most certainly is an unusual sight. If you were expecting Stallion Entertainment founder E.J. “Rocky” Balboa, look again. It’s a chick! Her name is KC. And she’s here to melt your heart.

I push through the half-dozen or so horndogs that have instantly flanked Sedro’s sultry karaoke savior to introduce myself. As I approach, I realize I’m looking up at this Amazonian beauty, my eye level just slightly north of her cleavage. I quickly avert my eyes to avoid embarrassment and a possible slap in the face, but all that self-imposed drama dissipates when she notices me, and with a smile, KC asks if I’m staying for karaoke. I forget myself a moment, and rather than answer, I ask her why she’s driving Rocky’s cirque de soleil clownmobile. Without missing a beat, she spouts off with “He was a bad boy, so I tied him up and dumped him down by the river!” Hmmm. Rocky’s hot new hostess is both witty and pretty. But can she sing? Can she banter? How is her sound? And can she duplicate the incredible success of her legendary employer in a small town resistant to change??

I followed as she weaved gracefully through the crowded room, and paused momentarily to check out the recently redecorated Old Timers Saloon. A racing-themed mural takes up most of the wall space here, obviously an ode to the great motorsports tradition here in Skagit County, and the doorways are completely covered with bottlecaps from beers around the world. HD flatscreens flank multiple pool tables, and a 4-way speaker system provides a full, well-rounded sound I’ve come to expect from every SingWithRocky venue.

This lovely Stallionette is obviously well-versed in the social arts, bouncing from table to table with handshakes, hugs, and overt flirting that puts everyone in an instant-gratification party mood before the music even starts. As she ran sound check, I was digging the tunes she was pumping out - catchy, upbeat and totally danceable. Finding another excuse to conversate, I sing the praises of the current preshow track filling the room from Sweatshop Union, KC’s favorite “almost local” underground group, out of BC, Canada. This pouty-lipped she-devil cranked out an energetic mix of classic rock, alternative, funk, and even some hip hop and old school rap while she was gearing up for the Old Timers’ singing stars, and the energy provided by her selections really got the house rockin’. ?

The music fades for a moment, and the Skagit Stefani’s microphone crescendos. “Do y’all know what time it is?” KC shouts, pumping her fists in raise-the-roof fashion. “Awww, yeah. It’s party time!” She introduces herself and the barstaff to uproarious applause, lists the drink specials for the evening, and asks the Old Timers faithful if we want to hear Led Zeppelin or Fleetwood Mac to start things off... And instructs us to make some noise to let her know which. With a wink and a smile that makes me want to check myself in the mirror for broccoli stuck in my teeth, it ends up being a Zeppelin kind of night.

As the intro for “Over the Hills and Far Away” began, I thought to myself, “Oh, my. This is either going to be really horrible, or really, really good,” and as she begins to rip the cover off the Page/Plant classic, I have to admit I was pleasantly surprised - this girl is as talented as she is beautiful. The inspired vocal seemed to pose no problem to this Karaoke Queen. It actually seemed to float outward from her tight, toned diaphragm, dreamily at first, and as the acoustic guitars gave way to distorted riffs in an explosion of energy and song, she stayed on top of it, grooving along to the music in perfect rhythm, timing, and pitch. I’m hooked. Leaving this sexy songstress for another singstop is no longer an option, and the nods of approval across the bar tell me I’m not the only one who’s glued to their seat. ?

At the end of the song, she pauses to let the applause die down, and actually blushes a little bit. She picks up a slip atop the large pile now covering her workstation, and we hang on her every word. “Now that I’ve got the house primed to party, let’s get this kicked off right! Tim, we need you! Give it up, folks, Tim’s got a little something for ya’ll!” It’s hard to believe my ears. I swear to God, with KC’s extremely energized hosting style, you’d think our KJ was Rocky with boobs.

Tim’s cover of The Doors was as impressive as KC’s Zeppelin. Where do these people hide when they’re not karaokeing? When it was my turn to come grab the mic and do my thing, I was welcomed with a ruckus of woops and clapping that equaled, no, exceeded, what KC had stirred in us. Her energy was definitely as infectious as the flu, fortunately with none of the pesky sniffles and aches that are traditionally included. This combination of body, brains, and unabashedness is most definitely a supersize combo of extensive training and raw talent, the former obviously coming from Karaoke Zen Master Rocky, the latter, I assume, from her momma, who I’d like to thank personally for bringing this Stallion Rock Angel into our midst.

CCR’s “Who’ll Stop the Rain” was my first selection of the night, and since I thought I sounded just okay in my shower this morning, I must admit I was a bit timid with the opening stanza. It took KC maybe a second to tune me in, and I was surprised at myself at how good my own voice sounded that night, better than I ever thought possible. The rumors really are true. Stallion Entertainment’s high-end equipment, second to none song selection and the operational skills of the SingWithRocky hosts really are superior to anything else around. KC didn’t need a Sunshine Band to make me feel all warm and fuzzy as I left the stage area, and my once subdued self was bouncing off the walls with a newfound energy and self-esteem I never knew existed. Really, Skagit’s new Spinderella can make ANYONE sound good. Or can she?

In a word, maybe. The clock strikes midnight, and everyone is getting cheery-eyed on cheap booze and hi-fives when KC calls her next performer, and once again the house goes wild. The music starts, and at first, everyone’s grooving along enjoying the tune. Then he starts his vocal, and all moving and grooving grinds to a halt. This guy absolutely CANNOT sing. KJ KC gets very intense on her massive mixing board, flipping faders and furiously fine-tuning, and somehow she took him from atrocious to horrible. After about 20 seconds, Miss microphone miracle worker improved him to the point of just really bad, and I couldn’t help but smile and applaud the efforts of both our host and would-be host killer. As he finished his selection, I jokingly offered to buy him a beer on the promise he wouldn’t sing again that night. He laughed, and refused my beer. “Someone’s gotta make these people feel better about themselves,” he smiled, then added ,”It’s not the hair dye that makes your butt look big. It’s the huge butt that makes your butt look big, you know?” And with that, he disappeared into the crowd. I can’t say I really understood the relevance of that last part, but I certainly like his attitude on life. I bought him a beer anyway, and vowed next round to time my smoke breaks better.

After a few more talented performances, we found ourselves arriving at the top of the rotation, and the rambunctious crowd milling around Old Timers all seemed to crank their heads around at once when our beautiful Bob Barker bogarted the mic. What was she going to sing now? I really didn’t care, and I doubt any of the Old Timers’ male population did, either. She could just stand there and we’d be happy, content to check out the curvature of her Earth while her song loaded.

“I’ve got a little treat for you all... hope you like it,” she says in Marilyn Monroe falsetto. The music starts, and at first, I don’t believe what I hear. Pantera? You’re kidding, right? “Cowboys From Hell” seemed to pose no more challenge to her than Zeppelin did - from the moment she grabbed the mic and let out the first rip roaring wail, to the last growl of the song, once again I found myself delightfully slackjawed. My curiosity gets the better of me, and I wonder aloud if our Karaoke Goddess is a hard rock one-trick pony. As it turns out, not at all. In the weeks since I’ve become an Old Timers regular I’ve heard Northwest Washington’s Wonder Woman cover Eurythmics, Pink, Eminem, Tori Amos, Dave Matthews Band, Fleetwood Mac and more, and every one sounded completely awesome. In some cases I couldn’t tell the difference between her and the original artist, and a couple times I’d go so far as to say she sounded better.

At the end of it all, a fun night of singing and drinking should have broke me, but I got outta there for under 15 bucks, thanks to lead bartender Erik and the Old Timers’ non-stop drink specials. I head home invigorated, my head spinning with the knowledge that at long last there’s a reason to sing in Sedro-Wooley. SingWithRocky.com’s newest Monday/Saturday acquisition is by all accounts in good hands. It’s high noon at Dead Man’s Gulch. And there’s a hot new sheriff in town.