My Opinion, for what it's worth!

February 2008

What makes a good karaoke host
~ A Newcomers Opinion ~

By Lok N. Onn, Edmonds, WA

These are a few observations from someone who is new to the karaoke scene. I don’t know if some of these problems I’ve witnessed are a part of this karaoke thing in general or just in this area. Admittedly, the only places I’ve gone to sing have been in the North Seattle/South Everett area and I’ve checked out shows at quite a few different places in a years time. Some locations and hosts put on well run shows, while others were truly half-assed. By watching, I have arrived at the following guidelines that I think would make a good host or show, as opposed to one that just doesn’t measure up.

A good karaoke host should be helpful, personable, polite, sober, non-cursing, non-smoking and as much a non-performer as possible. The non-smoker is important only because it will take the host away from the job he is being paid to provide. A host cannot possibly be in control of the situation if he is 50 feet outside the establishment, having a smoke. Hosts that smoke are the biggest offenders, but I have seen other situations where a non-smoking host is nowhere to be found. I’ve seen a singer being totally drowned out by the background music of a CDg in front of a crowd, sounding like an idiot, while the host was outside puffing on a cigarette. The CDg sounded okay at the start of the song, before the host left his post, until the background singers kicked in. Last night I saw a guy do a great Paul McCartney song, but you could barely hear him over the music. The host was nowhere to be seen. These are examples of many possible situations that can arise because of an M.I.A. host, usually a smoker, but not always. These problems all make a great singer sound like a beginner and are all because of a bad KJ. Following are simple adjustments that ought to be made if you are at the controls and have even a general idea of what you are doing. We don’t expect studio-quality sound, but at least get it in the ballpark.

A good karaoke host should be a non-performer. This non-performer part of the job description only applies when there are enough ready singers awaiting their turn on the mic. If there are only a few participating, I see no problem when a host gets things going with a performance of their own.

I have seen dual-hosts open the show with two songs each after they showed up late to start with. They forgot the mics, another long wait, and with a good crowd of singers waiting to sing. On another occasion, with a very large crowd of singers, a host felt he had to sing four songs in a row! Some of these were presented as answers to his trivia questions preceeding his performance. “Let me do that song for you while we’re at it”, they’d claim. The host is not at a karaoke show to be a performer and impress us with their abilities.

Another problem I see along these lines is when the host decides to do that special “by request”. Do the request on your own time – we know your game! Do it after hours with the person who requested it. We do not want to hear YOU sing. Go somewhere else and get a job as a paid performer and we will pay to come see you… if we wish.

There are so many karaoke contests advertised in the Karaoke Guide and I’ve never read these hosts’ names as participants. If you want to be a host, then be a host! If you want to sing, make the rounds and get in the rotation along with the rest of the singers. Seems to me a lot of the hosts I’ve seen are at the establishment more to sing themselves than to provide the service they were hired to do. The only exception to this rule is when there is not enough singers in the rotation, four or five. Then, by all means, take a turn at the mic to get the crowd going. Just remember, when you have a solid rotation going, you are no longer needed on the mic.

A good karaoke host should start on time. If the start time is 10pm, then start at 10pm. This doesn’t mean you roll in at 10pm, unload the equipment from the trunk of your car and begin setting up at 10pm. Set up your equipment earlier in the day and do your sound checks then. How come not all shows need to do these four-song, host sound checks? Go home and get the mics you forgot. Also, get the pens and request slips you forgot during the last show. Do this on your own time since you are getting paid for the gig and your forgetfulness shouldn’t become a hassle for those wanting to participate in a well-run karaoke evening with a start time as advertised. Sing like crazy during this early set up time and save the scheduled karaoke time for the patrons. Have the cleaning guy sing a few with you. Try one in a foreign language – do Feliz Navidad – sing until your throat is sore. Come to think of it, the best show I’ve ever attended occurred when the host had a sore throat and couldn’t sing at all.

A good karaoke host should be at his equipment as much as possible. You aren’t doing your job if you are sitting at the table of the best looking girl in the bar and no one else can get any help out of you. Funny how it works out that this same girl ends up singing more songs than the people that preceeded her in the rotation for the last four hours. You can’t do your job if I find when I’m halfway into my song and I didn’t get the key change I requested and you are out in the crowd with your hand on some girl’s leg, oblivious to the singer. It would be much simpler if I could turn around and let you know you missed it and it could be quickly corrected. Maybe at least a quick key change would give the singer a chance to salvage the remainder of the song. While we are on the subject of the equipment, we need you to know that we shouldn’t have to yell or scream into the mic to barely have our voices come out of the speakers. You need to know what is coming out the other end and it is easier if you are properly situated at the controls. If you feel that these adjustments are that tough, you need to find a new line of work or practice at home for a couple evenings before you go out to make the big money.

A good karaoke host doesn’t have a lot of dead time in his shows. We don’t want to sit around for ten minutes while you run out to find the next performer in another part of the establishment or outside smoking. Everyone should be aware of where they are in the rotation and be ready to take their turn their the time comes. If the next singer is not readily available and doesn’t come when called, skip them and put them behind the next in line or at the end of the rotation. If another singer doesn’t have a song ready when called, skip over them. All the prepared singers shouldn’t have to sit around for five or ten minutes waiting while you check with all the other persons in the bar to see if they have the particular song in the your collection. I have seen both of the aforementioned happen on many occasions. All these five to ten minute delays add up to several more singers getting another chance at the end of the night. This is before your gal-pal slides in as the final performer of the evening whether it was her turn or not. Also, the host needs to be loud enough that the next person can hear his name being called. For whatever reason a person doesn’t respond, don’t waste OUR time. A deaf gal sings in one of the bars I stopped at and she was better than some of these other Bubbas an Bimbos I’ve seen when it came to being ready for her turn – a good singer too!

A good karaoke host has to be fair with the rotation. Not being fair with your rotation is the worst thing you can do as a host, even worse than your shoddy work at the controls. Because you really want to get in some little gal’s pants shouldn’t be the reason to totally screw up the rotation. That other person didn’t sit around all night long waiting to do his last song only to have his place taken by the pretty girl that the host has been cozying up to all evening, or the new one that just walked in. Funny how often newly arriving friends get worked into the rotation in ten minutes while most of the others have sat through 70 minute rotations all evening long.

These are some of my observations of what a newcomer thinks to be important the role of the good karaoke host. I know there are some exceptions to some of these things, but overall, we as people looking to have a fun evening doing some karaoke should not have to put up with. Some of the previously referred to hosts are no longer karaoke hosts. We all need to make our complaints known to the person who is paying them and weed them out of the process.

To summarize; you are being paid to help US enjoy our karaoke experience and to increase bar traffic on a given night, generating income for the owner. Don’t perform here. Go downtown, hook up with Blake and sing beat-box all night long!

Start on time and be prepared. Don’t arrive on time, start on time. Big difference! Make yourself a checklist so you have all of your equipment on your first trip. One pencil in the entire bar is a joke. Also, it’s hard to write on bar napkins. Don’t forget that the microphones are one of your must-have items.

Don’t sing for us when there is a roomful of singers. Get into one of the many contests advertised in the Karaoke Guide going on continuously to really impress us. Go to Vegas, make the big bucks!

Run your equipment properly. Proper key change, volume, balance, etc. It’s not that hard if you are at the controls where you belong. Go out on your night off and pick up on that cutie of yours.

Sound check before the posted start time of your show. Now is the time to sing your little buns off. Get it out of your system, don’t waste my time later!

Eliminate dead time. We can’t help it if you’re a chain smoker and somebody else doesn’t know what song to sing – keep the show going!

Fair rotation. No exception to this one! The biggest mistake you can make is not being fair with the way you run your rotation.

Stay at the controls. We all know this cannot be adhered to a hundred percent of the time, but we also know that we don’t want to be chasing down a smoking host when burdened by a technical failure in the middle of our song!

Know your equipment. Don’t get behind the wheel if you don’t know how to drive. It’s not that difficult.

 

September 2007

By Johnie Nall

People are funny. I seriously mean that. Comedians are paid great money to make people laugh, but if you have an opportunity to just be in the right place at the right time, there is usually something comical occurring somewhere nearby. Keep your eyes on the people around you and take notice as to what they are doing. Let me give you an example of what transpired today within 50 feet of me.

I'd just completed the task of washing the old Jimmy, taking a break prior to beginning the wipe down when I hear a noise like a pressure washer running somewhere nearby. I take a couple of steps out and see the guy across the street with his brand new Home Depot gasoline powered pressure washer happily spraying the vinyl siding on his yellow house. Since this guy's dually wasn't in the driveway when I started washing the truck, I am assuming he was at Home Depot making the purchase. So in the 20 minutes I was engrossed with sudsing and rinsing, he must have returned unloaded the washer, assembled the hoses and handle, put in fuel and began his joyous task. I am assuming he never went in the house because as he was spraying his way across the front of the house, his wife opened the front door and stepped out on the step.

Now, I have been married a long time and have survived by knowing when to stifle a laugh. This guy was either the bravest person I have ever seen, or the biggest fool to ever walk the face of this earth. He was laughing so hard at the sight of his doused wife, that he dropped the handle and was actually on his knees shaking. Now this lady probably trips the scales at 300 lbs. dry, and she was far from dry, so I was certain I was about to be a witness to murder when she started splashing across the puddles toward him with her dripping wet yellow and green mu mu.

Now comes the funny part. When this guy realized that his life was about to be over, he jumped to his feet, grabbed the wand that was whipping around on the sidewalk and started to run. When he pulled the hose tight, she was in position to trip over it and take a header into the muddy yard, which also tipped over the pressure washer. The last sight I had of my neighbors was him running into the backyard, and her crawling in the mud after him. Although I never saw them again, and the washer is still laying in the front yard, I heard him being referred to as the %$%#@!@&%$ that damned near drowned her and then tripped her, and then had the gall to laugh at her. Luckily for me, she didn't look my way, because there would have been two of us %$#@#$#&%$, as far as the laughing went. I love to laugh and this was a real belly shaker, but when it was over, I had to wash the truck again because failing to dry a teal truck, gives you many white water spots since Spokane Water is as hard as concrete. Oh well, you take your joy where and when you can get it. Be good, be safe and be happy.